Today I was still kind of bummed about the events described in Friday's post, and then I was distracted, and then I was sitting around doing homework. Suddenly, I realized that I had to come up with a short reflection before my CLC meeting tonight(CLC stands for Christian Life Community, fyi). I grabbed a loose sheet of paper, and the first thing that came to my mind was the topic of forgiveness. Earlier, my friend told me that I should forgive and forget concerning Friday. So, I wrote a solid paragraph about my patron saint, Maria Goretti, and how she forgave the man who tried to rape her. The part that struck me, though, was when I wrote about what the reverse does. Holding grudges has always been something that I have tried my hardest to avoid. In my reflection, I said that doing so only ate away at me and my relationships.
I suppose the same holds true for holding onto things. Maybe I did want things to be a certain way, but I was still really good friends with this person, and so I realized that giving up those notions is worth keeping a good friend. Maybe those things will come to fruition some day, but for now I just have to be there for him in the way that he wants me to be. After all, that's the Christian way, isn't it? Sacrifice of yourself for the benefit of others.
Today, I called him right after I got out of my CLC meeting, and told him that I was for sure ready to move on from this whole thing. I think we'll be better off for it, and we can still be good friends without letting this get in the way of that.
Also, I saw my Classics friends today for the first time after the weekend. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I saw them again. It was so nice to be with my friends and just to see them. They are a good group of people, and more interesting than most to say the least. Tomorrow it's back to classes and whatnot, so I suppose I had better get back to work and study some Greek before it gets too late. Still pretty tired after my parents visited, so I should get to bed early since it's up bright and early at 8 tomorrow morning.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Still Broken
"And if you touched, if you touched my heart, you'd feel the pain I call hoping."
~Still Broken by The Last Wish
You can't change the way other people feel, but the reverse is true too. Last night, someone who I thought I could be in a relationship with told me that he wanted to remain friends. To be honest, I think it shattered both of us. I could feel my heart breaking when he said it, but somehow I still wish it could be. Maybe I always will, and even if he doesn't want that, that's the way I feel. Our feelings, our wants, our needs, they come from a deeper place. We can't will them to change as we can with things such as habits. So, I guess it's a two-way street, but I wish things could have ended differently.
I suppose the worst part was that I thought something was finally happening that had made me ecstatic. After betrayal and trauma in my first few weeks of college, something on the other end of the spectrum had happened. On Tuesday, we said we loved each other, and he made it very clear that it was in a romantic sense, at least in my eyes. So, for the past couple days I talked to my friends about it. We were giddy like nothing else, squealing and doing all the other things girls do when they hear about a real-life relationship beginning.
On Thursday, he told me that he believed we could be more as close friends. This shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, but I guess it was the product of years of disappointment. We were close friends--still are--so in a way, that made me trust him not to disappoint, I guess. I'm not angry at him. As I said before, you can't change how someone feels. What I am is hurt. There were tears last night, for a good while too, and there's that certain ache you always have when you don't really sleep that well and you get up the day after wondering if it really happened.
My Mom and brother are coming to visit me here at college this weekend. If not for that, I don't know what I would have done. Usually, I talk to my friends from home over the weekend, but this friend who I talked to last night is usually one of the main people I talk to. We're taking a day off to see how we feel about it with time to think. Honestly, I don't know. Obviously, we're going to stay friends, but it might take me a little time to get over the other feelings I have--the fact that I wanted a romantic relationship and the pain that I feel in my heart....the pain I call hoping.
~Gabrielle Sidonie
~Still Broken by The Last Wish
You can't change the way other people feel, but the reverse is true too. Last night, someone who I thought I could be in a relationship with told me that he wanted to remain friends. To be honest, I think it shattered both of us. I could feel my heart breaking when he said it, but somehow I still wish it could be. Maybe I always will, and even if he doesn't want that, that's the way I feel. Our feelings, our wants, our needs, they come from a deeper place. We can't will them to change as we can with things such as habits. So, I guess it's a two-way street, but I wish things could have ended differently.
I suppose the worst part was that I thought something was finally happening that had made me ecstatic. After betrayal and trauma in my first few weeks of college, something on the other end of the spectrum had happened. On Tuesday, we said we loved each other, and he made it very clear that it was in a romantic sense, at least in my eyes. So, for the past couple days I talked to my friends about it. We were giddy like nothing else, squealing and doing all the other things girls do when they hear about a real-life relationship beginning.
On Thursday, he told me that he believed we could be more as close friends. This shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, but I guess it was the product of years of disappointment. We were close friends--still are--so in a way, that made me trust him not to disappoint, I guess. I'm not angry at him. As I said before, you can't change how someone feels. What I am is hurt. There were tears last night, for a good while too, and there's that certain ache you always have when you don't really sleep that well and you get up the day after wondering if it really happened.
My Mom and brother are coming to visit me here at college this weekend. If not for that, I don't know what I would have done. Usually, I talk to my friends from home over the weekend, but this friend who I talked to last night is usually one of the main people I talk to. We're taking a day off to see how we feel about it with time to think. Honestly, I don't know. Obviously, we're going to stay friends, but it might take me a little time to get over the other feelings I have--the fact that I wanted a romantic relationship and the pain that I feel in my heart....the pain I call hoping.
~Gabrielle Sidonie
Sunday, October 11, 2009
L'aventure de L'aeroport!
Ok, so I've been meaning to write my account of this for a couple days now, but it has just taken me a while in lieu of Latin appointments, cancelled Latin appointments, and trying to get a hold of people on the telephone. So, on Friday I found out that one of my very good friends was returning home. So, I honestly called with the original intent of declaring how jealous I was. That was before I found out about the whole fiasco surrounding this flight home.
My friend is currently attending school in Virginia, and he was supposed to fly home to good ole Michigan. When I called, though, he informed me that he had missed his flight because he thought it was at 6:30 pm and it was really twelve hours earlier. Neither of us really understands how something like that happens, but oh well. So, he asked the kind lady at the desk where else he could fly to, and Cleveland and Chicago both came into the conversation. A mutual friend of ours is currently attending the University of Chicago, and I am going to school just outside the east side of Cleveland. However, my friend declined both these options and decided to fly down to Atlanta, GA and then grab a connecting flight up to Detroit, MI.
So, we chatted on the phone while he was waiting for flights and such, and then after he touched down in Detroit. Silly boy, leaving warm, balmy Virginia for cold, blustery Michigan. Whatever, though. Michigan is home, and I miss being there. If I could fly home for a weekend, I would totally do it, but alas, the issue of money comes into play.
On a more serious note, I thought it would be the easiest thing ever to leave my hometown behind. It's a small, struggling ex-factory town that is kept alive mostly by the college that resides there. Still, there are people there who I've grown very attached to, and being separated from them does take its toll on me. I can't wait for Thanksgiving break, when I'm going to go home and see my friends and all the other people I know. It'll only be a few days, but a few days well spent. Until then, my Mom's visiting on Friday, and she's bringing my little brother with, so that'll be fun. We'll get to spend a few days together and I'll get to collect myself so I can make it through to Thanksgiving.
A Bientot!
~Gabrielle Sidonie
My friend is currently attending school in Virginia, and he was supposed to fly home to good ole Michigan. When I called, though, he informed me that he had missed his flight because he thought it was at 6:30 pm and it was really twelve hours earlier. Neither of us really understands how something like that happens, but oh well. So, he asked the kind lady at the desk where else he could fly to, and Cleveland and Chicago both came into the conversation. A mutual friend of ours is currently attending the University of Chicago, and I am going to school just outside the east side of Cleveland. However, my friend declined both these options and decided to fly down to Atlanta, GA and then grab a connecting flight up to Detroit, MI.
So, we chatted on the phone while he was waiting for flights and such, and then after he touched down in Detroit. Silly boy, leaving warm, balmy Virginia for cold, blustery Michigan. Whatever, though. Michigan is home, and I miss being there. If I could fly home for a weekend, I would totally do it, but alas, the issue of money comes into play.
On a more serious note, I thought it would be the easiest thing ever to leave my hometown behind. It's a small, struggling ex-factory town that is kept alive mostly by the college that resides there. Still, there are people there who I've grown very attached to, and being separated from them does take its toll on me. I can't wait for Thanksgiving break, when I'm going to go home and see my friends and all the other people I know. It'll only be a few days, but a few days well spent. Until then, my Mom's visiting on Friday, and she's bringing my little brother with, so that'll be fun. We'll get to spend a few days together and I'll get to collect myself so I can make it through to Thanksgiving.
A Bientot!
~Gabrielle Sidonie
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Long and Winding Road
Those of you who are still bothering to read this are probably wondering why I haven't posted in such a long time. Well, my French paper, my FYS paper, and so many other things will tell you why. Life is so hectic lately, and I wish it would slow down, but I guess I'm enjoying all the nights staying up 'till 2 in the morning and waking up at 8 in the morning to do more work still. Tonight I'm finishing the FYS paper, but tomorrow a whole new onslaught of tasks begins. Alas, this really does not seem to lend itself to writing a blog, but I'm going to keep on trying.
Yesterday was really fun, actually. That's probably the reason I had so much to do today. Me and my friend Erin walked from JCU all the way to Target. On the way through, we stopped at Macy's to look at scarves, and I found a sweet deal. Erin saw this one that she wanted, and so I told her to price check it because department stores are always having something on sale. So, I decided to take up a couple things to price check while we were over there. Her things was a no-go, but it turned out that one of the scarves I had picked out was 9.99. That's right, something under $10 at Macy's. I was so ecstatic. Today I wore that scarf more proudly than I have worn anything in a long time.
We also went to Target since I needed to get some groceries, and we got to use the little escalator for the shopping carts. The Target here is massive, by the way. It has two levels, which is a whole new experience for me in that store, and the grocery department was actually like a full-fledged supermarket. So, I am now in possession of Goldfish, hot chocolate, spicy nacho doritos, and two boxes of Special K(I'm making an initiative to buy more healthy food while at college). Oh, and we walked back, so we stopped at this little bagel place, so I have five bagels in my room since I ate one this morning. I love my life, forget all that whining I did in the first paragraph!
So, I guess things have been more eventful than I thought they were. Tonight was my first CLC meeting, and it went well. I like having it right after Mass. When I go to Mass, I already feel focused, so that sort of carries over into CLC, which winds up being very convenient. Today I was told that I'll have to go down to Campus Ministry right after class to get a spot on the Manresa retreat, but I'm going to do it. I'll bring St. Augustine with me, because they really can't turn me down while reading the original Confessions. That would be a sad day. Oh, and I'll probably be cramming to finish it by 6.
For now, it's time to finish my paper for FYS and read some feminist excerpt in my reader. I'm sure it will be VERY enlightening, but I suppose it is important to consider both sides of the coin when fighting the opposition. Know your enemies, after all!
A Bientot!
~Gabrielle Sidonie
Yesterday was really fun, actually. That's probably the reason I had so much to do today. Me and my friend Erin walked from JCU all the way to Target. On the way through, we stopped at Macy's to look at scarves, and I found a sweet deal. Erin saw this one that she wanted, and so I told her to price check it because department stores are always having something on sale. So, I decided to take up a couple things to price check while we were over there. Her things was a no-go, but it turned out that one of the scarves I had picked out was 9.99. That's right, something under $10 at Macy's. I was so ecstatic. Today I wore that scarf more proudly than I have worn anything in a long time.
We also went to Target since I needed to get some groceries, and we got to use the little escalator for the shopping carts. The Target here is massive, by the way. It has two levels, which is a whole new experience for me in that store, and the grocery department was actually like a full-fledged supermarket. So, I am now in possession of Goldfish, hot chocolate, spicy nacho doritos, and two boxes of Special K(I'm making an initiative to buy more healthy food while at college). Oh, and we walked back, so we stopped at this little bagel place, so I have five bagels in my room since I ate one this morning. I love my life, forget all that whining I did in the first paragraph!
So, I guess things have been more eventful than I thought they were. Tonight was my first CLC meeting, and it went well. I like having it right after Mass. When I go to Mass, I already feel focused, so that sort of carries over into CLC, which winds up being very convenient. Today I was told that I'll have to go down to Campus Ministry right after class to get a spot on the Manresa retreat, but I'm going to do it. I'll bring St. Augustine with me, because they really can't turn me down while reading the original Confessions. That would be a sad day. Oh, and I'll probably be cramming to finish it by 6.
For now, it's time to finish my paper for FYS and read some feminist excerpt in my reader. I'm sure it will be VERY enlightening, but I suppose it is important to consider both sides of the coin when fighting the opposition. Know your enemies, after all!
A Bientot!
~Gabrielle Sidonie
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